New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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