i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
