Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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