it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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