a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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