Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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