it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
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