Since when is my name a synonym for head?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
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I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
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I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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