Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
