So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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