So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
