apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
