Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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