Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
