there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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