My nipple is on Facebook.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
