Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
