If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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