He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize