this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
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Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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