Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
