It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
