Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
