Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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