Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
