we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
