just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
