just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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