how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
