Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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