I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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