My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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