I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
