This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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