i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
where am i from again
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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