So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
