just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
