How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
