Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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