Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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