I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
