My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
