I wannas sexs uuuuu
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
