I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
