My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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