Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
