I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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