she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
