I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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