Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.

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  (404): Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that. http://tfl.nu/7nr6
  Replies (2) Good night (868) Bad night (508)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.

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  (612): Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy. http://tfl.nu/a2lr
  Replies (72) Good night (1120) Bad night (4587)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.

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  (623): everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls. http://tfl.nu/6oxa
  Replies (37) Good night (5522) Bad night (1426)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'

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  (205): When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life' http://tfl.nu/863e
  Replies (26) Good night (6903) Bad night (1061)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.

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  (214): bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in. http://tfl.nu/k2ap
  Replies (11) Good night (3955) Bad night (1211)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.

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  (843): when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home. http://tfl.nu/096s
  Replies (33) Good night (12358) Bad night (1422)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.

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  (404): Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm. http://tfl.nu/cydy
  Replies (12) Good night (6196) Bad night (1062)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad

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  (803): My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad http://tfl.nu/1ob8
  Replies (3) Good night (1850) Bad night (535)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry

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  (989): From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry http://tfl.nu/kfwr
  Replies (4) Good night (1680) Bad night (976)
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  (925): View more from California

  Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday

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  (925): Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday http://tfl.nu/d2se
  Replies (10) Good night (614) Bad night (1552)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong

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  (714): When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong http://tfl.nu/jidy
  Replies (5) Good night (468) Bad night (1452)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.

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  (715): I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night. http://tfl.nu/5yhi
  Replies (6) Good night (551) Bad night (1364)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.

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  (503): Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting. http://tfl.nu/qfm2
  Replies (1) Good night (468) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.

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  (734): You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them. http://tfl.nu/p5zk
  Replies (1) Good night (392) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake

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  (805): Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake http://tfl.nu/6q42
  Replies (3) Good night (374) Bad night (537)

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