She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?