someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg