Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
