We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.