the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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