We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
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They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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