I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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