you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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