I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
