He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
