sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
