Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
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Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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