Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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