everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Holy shit dude........stairs
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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