I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
